It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
