Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
