My room smells like vodka and shame
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
