I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
