I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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