okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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