finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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