Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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