none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
