i just had sex bonerless
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
