Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
