his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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