you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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