You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Watching her eat just hurts me
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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