Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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