we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
