Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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