Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
