the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
