Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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