i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
