Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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