True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
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I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
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i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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