I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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