I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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