They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
