I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
