i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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