i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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