yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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