I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
