i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
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He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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