I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
