idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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