I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
