are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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