Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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