some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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