one two three fourrrrnication!
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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