i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
