After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
