you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
