like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
