I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
