ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
