i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
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Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
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It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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