I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
