Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
