It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
