Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
