and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
