when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
