I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
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We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
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He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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