The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
