Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Randomize
