Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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