You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
