She went from zero to smokin in five shots
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
