the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize