the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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