Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
