By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
