need another drink. this is the easiest way
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
