i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
