Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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