Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
