woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
