dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
