all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
