Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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