You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
