sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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